Down on Blackwood Farm
By Bane Huntress

Disclaimer & Waffle:

This was written when the rumours about Anne's next book was coming out and what it's name would be, it has NO baring on the real story I will never read seen as it doesn't even MENTION Louis!
It's also not a proper fict, or a bloody awful song fict, it's not even a poem... more like a really off key Limerick :P

Warning? if you haven't Read Merrick then you might not get the point of this bitching ^_^

Down on Blackwood Farm
By BANE Huntress

Down on Blackwood Farm…
Louis gets very fat from all the cow’s, sheep and horses he has to eat.
Louis was happy and full all the time.
Lestat, David and Merrick were not…
For there was not another living soul for mills around.
They had to go for take-out EVER night.
Cos not even the local Indian or pizza shop would deliver so far out.
And Inspector Morse or Frost or Taggart or Dee & Ryo might get a little
suspicious if ALL the local delivery boy’s kept going missing…

Down on Blackwood Farm…
Louis got lots of reading in almost ever night.
Louis was happy with his candles.
Lestat, David and Merrick were not…
For the electricity kept going out when ever the weather was bad.
It also went out if a sheep pooped on the poll’s supplying them.
And how ever much they paid, British-Electricity would not put it underground.
Nor would Yorkshire Water, or British Gas.
And British Telecom just looked at them blankly as to an ISDN connection and scratched their collective heads.

Down on Blackwood Farm…
Louis cared for the animals and fed them and cleaned them.
Louis was happy, it reminded him of being mortal again.
Lestat, David and Merrick were not…
Lestat just liked dogs. And would care for Mojo if he knew if he was alive or not.
David had a pony once till his parents sold it for glue and he never even had a puppy.
Merrick was just a manipulating cow and her pets were Louis and David and they could clean themselves…
So for fun they played find the pizza boy that got away last Tuesday.

Down on Blackwood Farm…
Lestat, David and Merrick were all having a great time.
Lestat, David and Merrick were happy and finally saw the advantages of not having modern conveniences for love nor money.
Louis was not…
Louis was being chased around the cottage, farm, fields, moors and such by three extremely bored and VERY randy Vampires.
Lestat was the first and managed to get Louis to like it and then moan a lot.
David did much the same until Lestat joined in and sent Louis into fits of blushing.
Then Merrick court him, but before she could even get her skirts up,
Lestat jumped in not seeing her,
Hoofing her into the cow swill and ravished a much relieved Louis.

Down on Blackwood Farm…
Where the animals are scared and Louis is a very tired little vampire.
Where Lestat hunts his favourite pray to exhaustion and David tags along for his Masters spoils.
Where Merrick is a very frustrated blood drinker who is bored as hell and the fields are filling up faster then a cemetery.

Down on Blackwood farm…
Where every day is much the same as the last.

The End

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